dear god, do i really need to pay that much money?

PREFACE - long story beware...so i went to the clinic (md diet) yesterday to visit with my doctor and such. the nutritionist guy that works there - well ask me in person what i think about him - but anyway, he looks at my chart upon entering and says "how we doin?" and i said, well i am struggling a little. and he looks back at my chart and says "yeah, i can see that, what's going on?" meaning, that only 27 lbs (30 on my scale) is something to snub at. i was so irritated. i am throwing all this money at this clinic for them to say "OH MY WOW, you just lost 1/2 a pound, you are amazing, good for you." NO. apparently at md diet you have to lose at least 40-50 lbs on the hCG 40 day diet to be successful and get praise. and so i started asking him questions about what i could be doing different, to curb my chocolate cravings and he is just looking at me with this stare and starts throwing numbers at me faster than i can think. "well you need 45 g of carbs and you need 120-140 g of protein and you need to eat more in the morning" and on and on. finally one of the nice "girls" (they call them) came and talked with me. she spent like 20 minutes going over everything. and GET THIS, said for the "next two weeks you cannot eat more than 15 g of carbs a day". this is post hCG protocol. AFTER THAT, i get 45 g of carbs. so mr. nutritionist (who i really think hates women AND fat people - aka worst employment in the world for him) didn't even care to notice that 45 g of carbs would have totally ruined my 30 lbs. he just didn't even ask or look at my chart to see what phase i was on. what the hell? anyway, so i am sitting there for an hour. YES, you read right. ONE freaking hour to talk to the doctor for one second. and so i sat there and i thought. this is ridiculous. the nice "girl" that helped me out was so sweet, but in the middle of her ass kicking shpill she says,
"you realize you are going to just have to spend A LOT of money on this diet". so i was just waiting thinking all this through, rude guy who really doesn't care just sees $$$$ + someone who readily admits that i am going to be throwing money at them to lose weight + a one hour wait to get appetite suppressants + $140 bill = i am the dumbest fat person out there.

so after that rant. thanks for listening, god. i have decided. with much conversation with mr. rosewater. that i can do this on my own. i don't need to just hand "ridiculous" amounts of money at this clinic or anyone else to count carbs and protein. so i think i am done with md diet. NO, that does not mean i am giving up. i am continuing on my ever needed journey. just not the spendy one. however, that isn't to say that if i can get my hands on some more hCG, i will be more than happy to spend that money for another 40 days. i know this all sounds like a big round the loop cluster of confusion and rambling. and really, if that clinic was amazing, i would totally spend the money. because it would be worth it. so if you know of a place that treats their clients with respect and really helps them, let me know. i guess i am saying, in the meantime, i can't go back there. because i will just get pissed. and like papa says, then i will have no one to blame (or to complain about) but myself.

so i guess it isn't about the money really. but about the treatment of the fat person. why pay that much money for someone not to even look, ask, or care what phase i am on or why i am struggling. and like mr. rosewater says, just take a look at their wonderful advertising gimmick. an anorexic climbing out of a fat suit.

and please don't get me wrong. i chose md diet. and i knew it was going to be expensive. i guess i just thought it would be more counselorish and therapeutic rather than pushing the cattle through. so there. i am not blaming them. they do their business and do it well. but i just won't be a patron anymore.

love, your saving money gal (for now), pepper