dear god, are you ready for this?

here are my one month pictures.
BEFORE 12/29/10. AFTER 1/30/11.

BEFORE front

AFTER-front

BEFORE-side

AFTER-side

BEFORE-back

AFTER-back

dear god, i am finally in the 30s!!

sorry god, i have been MIA for a week. busy, busy me. i haven't even been able to take my 1 month pictures yet. those will be posted soon.

anyway, i haven't seen the scale at 230-whatever in a LONG time. this is exciting for me. my pants are starting to get baggy, and yes people are noticing. god, can you give a BIG shout out to my work buddies for making me feel great everyday? thanks.

last weekend was difficult. but i pushed through. the weekdays are a cinch and i often feel like i can do this forever. but i will be honest. i am counting down the days until i can eat feta cheese and a big FAT ribeye. which is in exactly 19 days. this will start my 3 week maintenance phase. or phase 3. this is where i absolutely eat no starch, no sugar. pretty much the same as right now. HOWEVER, i get to eat whatever else i want and as much as i want. saweet. maybe just 100 more calories a day would be fun. i shouldn't go overboard. but it says online that you should be eating between 1500-2000 cals a day on phase 3. i am not sure how the MD diet clinic feels about this though. when i get the information from the clinic i will give you better details about what i will be doing.

also. i am 2.4 lbs away from my 10%. as for a reward, this is the deal. i really want eyelash extensions, but i am thinking this would be a fabulous pressie for myself right before my cruise. perhaps that will be my 15% reward. i think about rewards a lot. but i should, right? i am working very hard. i did purchase some new items via oldnavy.com. i know nana AND mr. rosewater are rolling their eyes right now, but i am sorry. cardigans at nearly 75% off the original price screams to me in a very piercing tone that i cannot ignore. so i am pretty sure this will arrive right around my 10% goal day. this will most definitely be a saweet reward. i FINALLY can wear from real oldnavy.com and not oldnavyfatties.com anymore. fabulous.

mr. rosewater has told me that since we have been together, 7.5 ish years, that i have NEVER lost 20 lbs and i have NEVER stayed on a weight loss plan for more than a month. well here's to you mr. rosewater. because both of those things JUST happened. raise the roof.

ALSO... i have been away for a week. lots to discuss... i am going to try out for the biggest loser in march. my same name bff (i will call her peper 1) has auditioned a few times with her hubs. but he is not wanting to try out this time, so i am taking his place. we have A LOT in common, peper 1 and i, we really do. when we first met we exchanged blog addresses and what do you know, but we had the EXACT same blog background. we have the same name (mine is spelled better, but whatever). we both have the same license for work. we both are getting a graduate degree in the same thing - that's where we met. she is fabulous and amazing. and i love her. so we are trying out together. perhaps you will see us on national tv.

wow, that is all for now. mr. rosewater and i are entertaining A LOT in the next few weeks. so wish me luck, god. here is to staying on my plan through all the yummy food and drinks.

love, your cardigan wearing lady, pepper

dear god, i have lost the big 20!!

i haven't been feeling well the last few days. in fact it really hurts to swallow anything right now. so i haven't totally been following hCG protocol (as in i had a grissinni breadstick in the morning instead of at lunch, didn't really eat lunch but doubled up on my meat for dinner). but i thought for sure i ate more than i should have yesterday. i guess not. another 1.4 lbs down. i only have 6 more lbs to go for my next reward. i have been thinking about getting some eyelash extensions. but not sure. one of my best work pals got me some saweet fake eyelashes to try out. they were pretty sexy. too bad i am technically challenged and don't know how to get my pictures from my phone to the computer. anyway, here are some other hot pics (not me of course) with eyelash extensions. what do you think?

dear god, my boss is the boss of my blog now too...

so i have this boss. she is quite the gal. and she said that she would support me better if i changed my blog up a little. so i am adding my "up to date weight" right where she said i should put it. between my stats and my goals. i'm telling you that because i am so honest and constantly telling people what i think whether it is solicited or not, i get the same in return. sometimes. not enough times though. but my boss is one of those returners. so anyway. in case you were wondering, god. my current weight is now hanging out in the side bar.

in other news. today has been pretty crabby. all around. not feeling well. work stress already. nana and papa went back home. diet sucks. can't find a freaking vegetable that i like. etc. i did make some pretty saweet celery last night that had the whole crew oohing and aahing. i wonder if there is something i can do to broccoli to make it taste good. well, i am still losing so i am happy about that. one more week and i will post pictures of my before and after.

love, loved to be "bossed" around, pepper.

dear god, my old jeans DO fit.

so nana helped me closet purge today. i forgot that i own like a bazillion pair of jeans. and i tried on some that i haven't even bothered to try on in years and they fit like a glove. loving it. loving the weight loss. i am feeling great. we separated my closet into clothes i can wear right now and clothes i will be able to wear in the future. it was crazy trying on shirts that i wore right before i got pregnant with baby rosewater (not to be confused with little rosewater). they are loose!!! the closet purge was awesome. i can't believe how much of a difference 15.5 lbs makes.

and then. after the purge, i finally got to try out just dance 2. can i get an AWESOME? cuz it is. and little rosewater joined in with me. a little pre birthday party dance off. it was fun. i got my beyonce on, my austin powers on, my tiki torch dance on, my WHAM! on. you name it. i was dancing to it. what a great workout. and my heart rate (that i measured with a $3 wall clock and my neck pulse) was between 135 and 160. so rock on. burning fat. saweet.

last night mr. rosewater took me on a fabulous date. surprise! for our 6th anniversary. we went and did some of our favorite things: basketball game, sushi, hotel. what a wonderful guy i am married to. ok, you wonder about the sushi. well i did have a few things NOT on the hCG. so i didn't weigh this morning. but i was proud. i had 1 roll of sushi vs. my usual 3 rolls of sushi. and water. NO coke. so raise the sushi roof on that. hopefully i won't suffer too much of a setback. but it was worth it. such a great time with my hunk of a husband.

here is to NO cake and pizza at little's party tonight.

love, my new jeans are really my old jeans, pepper.

dear god, thank you for stevia

so i have to thank you for bringing my attention to stevia - you know the artificial sweetener with virtually no calories. anyway, it has caused a little overload of my bowels moving, but never the less, they are moving. i bought it at the great food store (can't think of the real name right now). it comes in different forms, but i bought the extract drop kind. one little drop is enough sweetener to go around. it actually doesn't taste that good, but now i know what will help me with my BMs. i wonder what the smooth move tea and stevia would do. that might get a little too crazy.

in weight news, i have lost 15.6 lbs as of today. the diet is getting much easier. it is also getting easier to curb my cravings and appetite. i had to get over that insane hump that i never thought i would get past. i'll have to tell my mom this needs a little more than three days to get used to.

speaking of my mom... nana and papa are here right now. for little rosewater's birthday. i am trying to get myself geared up. no pizza. no cake. NO DIET DR PEPPER. but with a lot of my support system being at the party, i am pretty sure i wouldn't think of cheating.

love, stevia's new best friend, pepper.

dear god, can i get a what, what?

YES!!! thank you, dear god. i finally lost weight today. 2 more lbs. so i am officially at 14 lbs lost. now i can get that just dance 2. raise the roof.

dear god, who buys heart rate monitors for $200?

so the clinic tells me to watch my heart rate when i exercise. that way i can tell if i am burning fat. so i thought, perhaps i will look into heart rate monitors. they can't be that expensive. oh, but they are. at least the ever so popular polar fitness monitors are. apparently people who are freaks for exercise use them. they look super cool, but i think i will stick to the old school neck pulse reading way. MUCH cheaper. 

on another note. i am at a stand still. haven't lost anything for 2 days god. what's up? i have been getting lots of advice from my support system and i am feeling strong not to give up. but if i have to go on an apple binge for a day, i might die. still haven't hit my 5%. still haven't received just dance 2. waiting. starving. waiting.

i have noticed though, and feel really dumb telling you this, that my necklace keeps getting longer. i received this precious necklace from my SIL alisha that has anthon's initials on it. so i wear it everyday. well, embarrassingly enough, i had to originally get a necklace extender because my neck was too large (i don't like using the "f" word, as in "f"at) for it. every few days i have to keep adjusting the size because it keeps loosening up. so to answer my nutritionist who asked me today if i could feel anything different. yes, yes i can. my necklace is getting longer.

oh and ps. god, thank you so much for the most amazing water bottle find in the world. its made by thermos. retail $11-$15. i love it so much. i can drink water like nobody's business from it. instead of the ever so coveted camelback, this bad boy doesn't have a rubber sippy thing connected to a straw, where you have to bite and drink. so you can get much more water flow from the opening in the top. and the push button cover with lock makes it virtually spill proof, and fun for 3 year olds to play with. oh and i can't forget to note the counter at the bottom of the screw on lid. this allows you to NOT have to keep track of how many bottles of water you have had in a day in your head. it comes in handy for the every so slightly 500 calorie diet absentmindedness. LOVE it.

dear god, i cheated

its been 12 days since my last BIG cheat. here come the excuses. i couldn't take it anymore. i was so starving i almost ate a page from the book i was reading. mr. rosewater and a buddy ordered and ate pizza/cheese sticks dipped in ranch right in front of me. its ok. mr. rosewater has to eat too. but i wanted to die. and i did not partake. until everyone went to bed. i have to tell you god, it was glorious. the taste of the cheese stick(s) and ranch. they try to tell us that those things will no longer taste good after a while. that we are addicted to the grease infused in the food. but they are LIARS. that is the best thing i have eaten in 12 days. oh and don't worry i had a handful(s) of some dark chocolate m&ms as well. those are also supposed to taste terrible, according to the skinny nutritionist. well they didn't, they were also glorious. but i payed for it this morning, or not, because i did ask the other day for help with a BM. and i didn't gain. but didn't lose much either. however, i feel better. i have confessed, and i am back to feeling like i can move on and do this thing. for 34 more days. 

i am ALMOST at my 5% goal. 12. 6 lbs this morning. mr. rosewater and i have discussed rewards. and i have decided to get just dance 2. because i started working out in my new gym sanctuary. and it is fabulous. so now i need to get my groove on. 

love, your newly confessed, pepper

dear god, this is so not cool

i should be happy about losing 11 lbs so far. and i am. which has been great motivation. but i seriously drank 3 liters of water yesterday and my scale stayed the same. then i proceeded to weigh at least 7 more times all with different numbers. so i took the smallest. of course. but i am not losing 1 lb a day. which i totally should. because i am freaking starving and drinking gallons of water. should i be frustrated? i do have a small secret though. i haven't had a BM in a while. sorry i know that is gross god, but i really need to get my bowels moving. perhaps that is the reason for my scale woes. hopefully tomorrow will show better results. here is to the weekend and staying strong. i definitely need your help on this one. thanks in advance.

love your weekend warrior, pepper.

dear god, i actually craved broccoli today

its true. today is day 2 of my hCG 500 cal diet. today has been hard. today i wanted broccoli (that is after i had all my food for the day). i hate vegetables, especially broccoli, but i'm a little hungry. i just think about this rule that my mom always told me. the third day is always the worst, then it starts getting better from there. i think this rule can be used in many aspects of life. so i expect tomorrow to be hell. but i am totally doing this. 10.5 lbs down. no cheating. i really think the wake-up call has happened. after many years of struggling, hating, dieting, vomiting (sorry, but true), clawing my way to a normal weight. i HATE that my rock bottom was due to me losing my baby (i might mention that a lot), but in any case, it has happened. and i am determined. and i actually might eat broccoli tomorrow. eh.

like this

                                          NOT like this

dear god, i need help

as of today, i have lost 9 lbs. i am creeping up on my 5% goal which will be 13 lbs. any suggestions for a reward? or is the weight loss reward enough? (per my sweet mr. rosewater).

dear god, i have no appetite

sorry it has been a while. i really want to post more often then i have been. however, i have been getting ready to get back to work and the real world, thus no time for blogging. ok, so i went to the DR at the clinic. I also spoke with the nutritionist and got a vitamin shot, B12 and some other B i can't remember right now. so, this is what i learned about myself. i received a 3 page lengthy report that was generated from the machine they hooked me up to the first time i was there. these are my stats from this OVERWHELMING information:

*i have 146 lbs of lean body mass (= muscle, the good kind). that is 56% of my weight.
*my muscle to fat ratio is 1.3 to 3. it needs to be 3.2 to 1.
*i am carrying around 44 litres of water in my body. that needs to be 25 liters. so essentially i am carrying around 41 lbs of water weight due to soda intake, sodium, and improper water intake.
*i have 115 lbs of fat on my body. that is 44%. AHHH. almost 1/2 of my body is fat. that is insanity. and gross. ok that percentage needs to be down to 18-26%.

so at this point the clinic has my goal weight set at 183 lbs which right now would be 20% body fat. however, the more i lose, the numbers will change and my goal weight will go down. they will hook me up to the machine 1 time per month to make sure i am losing the proper amount of weight (like not to much muscle, etc). the good thing is that the nutritionist said that with carrying around 41 lbs of water, i should lose that pretty quick on the hCG. the clinic does not go by BMI statistics, which i also feel are a little bogus, but that is what the baby DR is requesting, thus my 137 lb goal.

i was also instructed to walk 3 times a week for 30 minutes. BUT, not on the hCG. they don't recommend exercise because you are only intaking 500 cals. however, i am really going to try and move more if i have the energy.

here comes the big freak out part, i spoke with the DR and received some prescriptions for appetite suppressants and help with insulin. mr. rosewater (the hubs) is very concerned with the appetite suppressants, but so far they have been fine. i am taking a time release one in the morning that does wonders - and does not make me feel like i just drank 27 red bulls. and then i take another one to curb night cravings at 5 pm. i take the insulin pill 2 times a day.

during this detox part i am supposed to eat as much as i can, but the medicine is making me anti social toward food. i am forcing myself to eat though. that is one thing i learned at the nutritional meeting the first time. if you skip breakfast and lunch then eat a huge dinner you turn into a sumo wrestler. cuz that's how they do it. so don't be a sumo. eat breakfast.

ok, i will sign off now. as this might be boring to some of you. but, one last thing. i start the hCG diet on tuesday, with injections. wish me luck.

ps - votes for before and after photos every month?