dear god, i just had an epiphany

so i was posting in my personal blog and had an epiphany. and below is the post so you can understand my epiphany. but i think i am starting to figure it out. and i will let you know what "it" is when i get there, or even while i am on my way. but a few days ago, i was lost in how to make a full change and to love myself. but, i think i can do this, and there might be a possibility for an affirmation every morning to remember this epiphany. but anyway, here it is:

i don't get my picture taken very much, mostly because i am behind the camera, but also because i hate getting my picture taken for one reason - i am sure you can guess what that might be :) anyway, these pics are both from little rosewater's birthday parties. how i have changed is below

one year ago, i was probably about 20 lbs heavier (i only know because the saweet velor "jumpsuit" i have on in this picture is pretty snug. now it is pretty drapey). one year ago, i had no idea what kind of year i was going to have - which most people don't know, unless they are insanely awesome. one year ago, i ate anything and everything i wanted to at little rosewater's birthday dinner. one year ago, i was a LONG way from graduating.

now, i am healthier than i have been in at least 10 years. now, i will always be cautious about life and love everyone i can as much as i can everyday. now, i had an orange and tea at little rosewater's birthday dinner - while everyone else had pizza and cake. now, i have 6 weeks until i am done with graduate school.

2010 rocked my world in a really really bad way. but like i have told many people, 2011 is balls to the wall in every aspect of my life. and i am living it as much as i can.

and in memory of my angel. i just want to put out there, for the 4 of you reading. that life can change within one second. and i know you hear that all the time. and it never resignates with you, unless it happens. i look back on 2010 and did not accomplish a lot and i lost even more. and i look at that person in the picture one year ago and i feel sad for her. because she has no idea. and if she had an idea, maybe she would have changed things and had an amazing year. so, that is why i am balls to the wall. for the rest of my life. and now i just realized that i need to do a few things to be in full compliance of my new motto.

ps. don't take this as a downer. just take it as a reason to get up everyday. and love who you love with all you have.